Meet Me

/ Jessica

Do you ever find yourself right on the edge of brave? 

Toes on the line, feet firmly planted, trying to decide whether to step backwards or forwards? 

Back, safe. 

Forward, unknown. 

That’s where I find myself standing right now. 

You see, since I started this blog nearly a year ago, I’ve never posted one single picture of what I look like now. 

There is one picture from when I was a kid, but there are zero of me all grown up. 

Why?

Because posting pictures online completely freaks me out! 

I’m sure that sounds crazy, I mean all of my friends and family have pictures on Instagram and Facebook. 

Not me. 

I don’t put pictures of myself online. At all. 

Remember in that movie “Pretty Woman” when Julia Robert’s character says she’s a bum magnet? 

Well, there’s a running joke that I’m a weirdo magnet. It’s true.  

If there’s one within 250,000 miles, they’ll find me… 

So, I have a tendency to set up a zip code in self-protective mode. 

The whole idea of it seems kind contradictory to me, because when I was 20, my parents let me go to modeling school. 

Boy, did I have big dreams. 

Scratch that. I had huge dreams! 

I wanted to be famous and have my face plastered on magazine covers all over the world. (Gotta love a young person’s vivacious will.) 

Now, here I am afraid of being seen. 

Isn’t that ironic? 

A few days days ago, I spilled my guts about my health journey this past year and your response has been incredible. 

I’m absolutely humbled by all the compassion and understanding in your comments and well wishes. 

And, quite honestly, to me, that is what true friendship is all about. 

Yesterday something really, really strange occurred to me and I suddenly had an urge to post my photo. 

Like on here. 

Two weeks ago would I have ever done it? No way. 

But after my health post, I realized something. 

Almost all of my Facebook followers personally know me. Maybe we went to school together, are related, are lifelong friends, or are new friends, but at some point, most of us have all seen each other.

But, a handful of my Facebook followers and all you kind bloggers have never seen me and have only  gotten to know me through my words alone. 

That is so amazing.

I think today is a good day to send out a gigantic thank you to every single person who reads my blog. 

Thank you for sticking around, for coming back, for your kind remarks, and for sharing your unending support of me and my writing. 

So, picture this:

I’m standing here at the threshold of brave and instead of retreating backwards like usual, I’m going to do it! 

I’m jumping forward with both feet!

Thanks for being here! 

Meet me! 

Now and at 20❤️

78 thoughts on “Meet Me”

  1. How gorgeous are you?? I love the photo of your 20-year-old self because… you really could have been a model – and a spy! You look like a Bond girl.

    And how gorgeous are you in your current photo? Your skin is glowing! And I love your smile. But there’s a certain heaviness of heart. There’s something in your expression that gives away that you’ve been through a lot lately. It’s like you’re saying “I’m dealing with everything as good as I can. I know I have no control over certain things, but I’m making the best out of this situation for myself and the people around me, and I enjoy the little things every day.” Call me strange, but I see it because I see it in (post celiac and post alopecia) photos of myself too.

    About the weirdo magnet thing… I too am a weirdo magnet. I have no idea why, but it’s always been like this. OK, actually I think I know why, and I bet it’s the same thing for you too: It’s because we’re friendly, polite, helpful and we’ve got no reason to dislike anyone unless they give us a reason to. We’re friendly with strangers. Am I right?

    I remember a thing from work a while back. There was a new colleague. A very weird-looking guy (it was impossible not to notice). When they introduced him to our team, people were giving each other looks and it was clear they were having a laugh at his expense before he’d even said a word. I’d never do this. Sure, I ‘judge’ people within seconds – just like everyone else does. Some people look smart, some don’t, some people look like they should be movie stars, some look geeky, others look plain weird. Anyway, so whilst I noticed that the new guy looked a bit off, I’ve always been polite and friendly with him – why wouldn’t I? And I helped whenever he needed help with work. Of course I got to know a few things – he liked to play with knives (scary!), he didn’t like animals very much (now that’s just plain wrong and very frightening – and I distanced myself when he told me this) and he saw his dentist on a monthly basis (yes, he had real issues). He was the definition of a weirdo. Unfortunately he mistook my being friendly as my trying to befriend him, so he kept proposing all kinds stuff we could do, i.e. cinema, roller derby (seriously?), barbecue (he knew I’m a veggie)… I always politely declined. At some point he stopped asking me for help at work. I wasn’t unhappy about that but I couldn’t help wondering what was going on in his head. Anyway, I found a better job not too long after, and Mr Strawberry Blonde and I moved house a few weeks after I got the new job, and I never saw the weird guy again. I sincerely hope that he managed to sort out his issues and that he’s doing OK, but I’m glad I never met him again and I hope I’ll never see him again. Fingers crossed!

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    • Hello. And, thank you. Bond is quite the compliment! :) I imagine you do see yourself in me, they say people mirror each other. Similar experiences unite!

      Sorry to hear you have the weirdo magnet thing. I think you’re probably right about being friendly and helpful. Sometimes that’s definitely read the wrong way… You cracked me up at the end when you said fingers crossed! I’ll cross mine, too! :)

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    • Wowsa! Thanks, my friend! I love how this picture sharing idea kind of seals the deal for friendships. Seems like it connects heart felt stories with faces and makes things a little more “real”. Pretty cool!

      How are Sammy and friends?

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  5. Nice to meet you! I can totally relate as it took me a while (before Facebook) to have any pictures of myself online and now it seems I’m everywhere, such strange times we live in. But I think it’s all good, the internet makes this big world so much smaller, yet at the same time expands each of our individual worlds. If you’d told me a decade ago I’d be chatting with people from so many faraway places, I’d never have believed it! :)

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    • It’s such a pleasure to meet you, too! I’m so glad to know that it took you awhile to put pictures of yourself online, too.

      I agree with what you said about it being strange times. Like, my grandma that passed in 1991 would’ve never believed that I can “talk” with people a world away and never even see them. The closet thing she ever saw was the Party Line with the phones so many moons ago.

      Sort of the same idea, I guess. :) I feel so lucky to have stumbled into blogging. Can’t wait to read more of yours. Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

      Such an amazing concept. Friends out of thin air almost.

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  7. It’s the first step that’s the hardest, right? I totally get the idea of not wanting to have yourself out there online. I was that way for a long time (obviously not any longer, which is obvious just looking at my blog). Who knows where this step leads…but hopefully to great things!

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  9. Hey, my dear beautiful friend, you already know how I feel, like I’ve known you always. :)
    I remember how nervous I was putting my photo up for the first time and more recently sharing mum’s story. It seemed so very personal but there comes a point when you listen to your heart and know it’s right. Hugs xo

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  10. I admire your bravery in revealing yourself to the world. I understand something of what a big decision it must have been for you since I’ve also never put up any photographs of myself on my blog (or rather, there is a photograph on it that’s genuinely me, but I was wearing a paper bag over my head at the time it was taken). I must admit, it is very nice to be able to attach a real face to your website. :)

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    • Aw, thank you sweet Debra. I figured you’d probably fall over when you saw I finally took the photo plunge! Thanks SO MUCH for what you said. There was a few minutes last night when I started getting butterflies in my stomach about doing it and asked mom if it was the right thing to do. :) This reaffirms it was. Went with my heart, so I guess there’s nothing better!

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    • Now THERE’S a compliment! I used to LoVe Duran Duran and The Cure! They were great times! Hard to believe the 80’s were so long ago. That can’t be right! Thanks for your kind words. Look like a sister! :)

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    • Hi Diane. How are you doing today? Let’s see, not really on the modeling as far as making a living at it. But, the school was soooo awesome. It was called Nancy Bounds in Omaha NE and we had teachers and classes. Learned how to walk on the runway. It was just so great. She had a couple of amazing photographers and I had a pretty nice portfolio. I tried my hand at it later in KC, but that was the age for models to be one size: super thin.

      Like really thin. After some rejections and being told over and over “lose more weight”, I eventually gave it up.

      Thank you for reading! I know you have tons of your mind. Thanks for your words. Just picture a big ol’ smile on my face here right now! 😊

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        • I agree! It was a bit rough. I got down to a really skinny weight, and stopped eating to try to be thin enough… Back then it was a particular height, weight, AND age. At one point I was told to lie about my age to appear younger- like 17. I couldn’t do it. No lying here! 😊

          I’m reading an amazing book and the author talks about all the crazy amazing ways to meditate. Like weeding- he said weeding is good because it gets the weeds out and negative thoughts/ feelings. Or gardening. Or watching birds. Do you have hummingbirds there? I guess they are helpful to see. Also, watching the sunset, getting some sun. Maybe one of these could help settle your mind? I’d guess you’re nerves are going haywire. Love and genuine, old fashioned, arms wrapped completely around, smile on my face, heartwarming hugs coming your way! 💜 I’ll be on my tiptoes tomorrow, lifting you high! Good luck, friend!

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