Divine

You are the most beautiful thing there ever was in this entire world.

Yes, you.

Let me guess, you’re looking side to side, trying to figure out who I’m talking to.

Perhaps you’re even glancing behind you, thinking there could be no possible way I could be talking to you. Trust me, I totally get that.

There have been many times in my life I would have been like, “Who, me?????” “Are you sure?” “That can’t be right.” “I must look like whoever you’re talking about.”

I mean, come on! We’re talking about life here. And, we all know life can be filled with ups and downs, ins and outs, and some serious pot holes.

Beautiful and messy all at once.

A few days ago I had a huge revelation! Gigantic! I was chatting with some friends when this truth hit me and it literally changed everything. In the moments that followed, those sweet souls urged me to write about it, so here goes.

For the past nine months, I’ve been doing some serious inner work and inner healing. Digging around in the details of days gone by has been critical on my path to finding my true self.

I’ve come a loooooooong way. You see, in my early twenties, I went through some pretty rough stuff. Needless to say, I’ve spent many years trying to make sense of that time and let it go. (You can read about Letting Go here, if you like.)

Some things like yoga, self-help books. breath work, prayers, and spiritual classes have helped me work through that time period in my life. Recently, forgiveness has been a key factor. But, honestly, forgiveness wasn’t the big cure all that I thought it’d be.

You know what I mean? Forgiving somebody is a really monumental thing- it can take years to get up the nerve to forgive and it takes serious guts to even think about doing it.

So, when I looked backwards and forgave many things, I thought I was done and that chapter was closed. Um… no. Things kept coming up anyway.

Really??? Really????

Last week, while walking to my mailbox, I suddenly remembered myself at age twenty one, completely out of the blue. I hadn’t thought that particular situation in years.

I’ve been meditating a lot, so later, I decided to try a visualization I’d heard about. I imagined myself at age twenty one with a suitcase at my feet.

Ok, that imaginary suitcase was absolutely bulging! I don’t know how it was even still closed. When I opened it up, it was filled with all kinds of things such as:

  • not worthy
  • worries
  • jealousy
  • not good enough
  • too sensitive
  • don’t wear your heart on your sleeve so much
  • guilt
  • shame
  • lonely
  • you don’t do anything right
  • mean words
  • self doubt
  • no self esteem whatsoever
  • nightmares, scars, bruises, and sadness.

Dang!!! That’s a heavy suitcase! And, I’ve been carrying remnants of those things around for twenty plus years?

In the visualization, I started pulling all that crap out, one by one, until that suitcase was empty! Empty! There was not one thing in it. Then, I started filling it back up with:

  • giving
  • loving
  • really smart
  • has faith
  • a good friend
  • compassionate
  • works for God
  • big heart
  • sensitive is a gift
  • worthy
  • full of light
  • kind, sweet, and funny

Omg!! I can’t even tell you how light I felt afterwards. From a visualization! Then, the lesson came.

We pick up stuff and we carry it. Sometimes for ten minutes, sometimes for ten years. But here’s the thing, we don’t have to. We can set stuff down. We can give stuff back.

Why?

Because it was NEVER EVEN OURS.

Sit on that for a second.

What we are is: loving, giving, glittery, all sparkly, hilarious, faithful, understanding, soulful, caring, intelligent, and any other positive word that comes to mind. We are butterflies and sunlight. We are the moon and stars. We are every single thing in this world that is right.

We may have taken on those jagged words, mean comments, or judging eyes, but that’s not who WE are. It never was. Imagine this, trying going back to that time and seeing yourself as a mirror. A pane of reflective glass with a frame. Now imagine all of those things coming towards you, but bouncing off the glass, and going back to where they belong.

They never belonged to us. All that crap is someone else’s.

Freeing, don’t you think?

I want to end this with something really fun we can do together so that you will start to realize that you ARE the most beautiful thing there ever was in this entire world. Practice saying this with me:

“All that junk was never even mine. I am beautiful and I’m divine.”

Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Jessica

11 thoughts on “Divine

  1. Wow. It is hard work to look inside ourselves and figure out why we react to things the way we do, what is driving us, letting go… the results can be freeing once we get there. I think forgiveness is over rated- people who tell me by forgiving they free themselves of the negativity and stop letting someone else have control I don’t really buy. Sometimes situations just don’t call for forgiveness- people need to take responsibility for their actions and are not necessarily worthy of forgiveness in my opinion. It is not “empowering” for me to forgive them… I don’t let their actions dictate my daily life, but I also don’t want anything to do with them! The journey never ends in my opinion- of working on ourselves and figuring things out. We can find a lot of peace within by sorting through and cleaning up! <3 <3

    • Love “sorting through and cleaning up.” Life can sure be messy. Forgiveness is some tricky business. I’d always thought similar things, if I forgive, then it’s over. Um, not necessarily. But, for me, healing has been coming in layers. The forgiveness part was sooooo hard because I’d built the walls around my heart SO high. I had the “don’t let anybody in- the don’t get hurt” story going. Which worked for awhile, but then I eventually wondered, “what am I missing out on by being so protected?”

      For me, forgiveness has definitely been a front runner in healing, it’s all been part of the letting go.

      I appreciate your words. You give me lots to think about and ponder. There certainly are many ways to look inward and heal things up. Your perspective means a lot. ❤️❤️❤️

    • Hi Miri. It’s been a process, but a good one. Time to let stuff go. Even little things seem to accumulate like drops of rainwater, so small, we never even notice they’re there. Time to give it all back. Time to shine and fly and sparkle really bright. Time for glitter. ❤️

  2. Ohh, Jessica! Well, this one made me choke back a cry which was on its way out.
    Thank you for this post my lovely blogging friend, for more reasons than I could ever possibly share. From my heart ~ thank you.
    Sending you much love ~ Cobs. xxx <3

  3. Emotional baggage is the self imposed burden of what we feel we must carry due to the cultural pressure of today’s society. In truth, all must be released to the wind or drag us to the depths of insecurity they will. We are who we are, come hell or high water. Those that judge us should look deeper inside and find their own weaknesses before passing judgement upon others they know little about.

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