First Mother’s Day Without One

I made it through my first Mother’s Day without my mom. Never ever thought those words would be uttered by me. What a strange, difficult process parent loss is.

On March 16, 2022 mom went to her local hospital. Multiple tests results led us on a rollercoaster of fears and emotions. 10 days later, she passed away. Super suddenly. A rip-your-heart-out kind of devastation.

It has been so hard, and hard isn’t even a big enough word. I’ve experienced loss before, but nothing even touches this.

They say the first year of ’firsts’ is the hardest. ‘Firsts’ being holidays and such. There have been several right in a row for us. My parent’s 55th wedding anniversary, Easter, Mother’s Day, and tomorrow is her birthday.

Maybe you’ve already been in similar shoes- if so, my heart goes out to you. Or maybe you don’t know this type of loss-if so, my heart wants to protect you from it, because it’s flat out heartache.

My husband, Little Bit, and I had been planning a mini vacation before mom got sick. We decided to still go. On Mother’s Day, we went to my favorite place in the entire world, Dauphin Island, Alabama.

I’ve got to tell you, it was immensely healing to stand on the white sand, hear and feel the waves coming in, find sea shells, and take a huge walk down the beach.

We ended our island time at a tree that I love more than just about any other tree. It’s a gigantic live oak in the middle of the island.

Each time we go there, I visit it. There is just something about trees, you know?

They survive big stuff sometimes, like wind, hail, and storms. That tree has seen many tropical storms and maybe even some hurricanes, yet it still stands there, branches outstretched and welcoming.

While there, I cried about my momma and asked for strength. Strength for the other upcoming firsts and strength for the missing because honestly, there’s a lot of missing her.

Mother’s Day was a sappy, teary day for me, gratitude filled because I am a mom, and heavy because I don’t have one.

In Biloxi, I got a new t shirt that says, “Saltwater heals everything.” I’m not sure about the everything part, but it certainly made that day a little easier.

I appreciate you reading this, thank you.

Jessica

Beach at Dauphin Island
favorite tree, favorite island

4 thoughts on “First Mother’s Day Without One

    • Hi. Thank you so much. This whole parent/momma loss thing has turned a lot of life plans sideways. Hers and mine with her. Friends that have gone first in this tell me that there is a ‘new normal.’ At first, I didn’t like those words, I was very ‘forget that, I like my regular normal.’ Now, I kind of get what they’re saying. I appreciate your comments. Thank you. 💗

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