Switchbacks and Waves

This blog was started in 2015. Mostly its been filled with some nature photographs, some lessons on acquired wisdom, and things about family.

Lately, my writing feels somewhat scattered. A post on this, a post on that, then bam, a post about my momma.

What I am figuring out is, grief is not linear.

It doesn’t start on such and such day then make a straight line to an end date. Mine, anyway, feels like more of a zig zag or perhaps like some winding mountain road. Calm on the straight aways, yet intense on the curves.

Another thing I’m learning is, the path of losing someone isn’t all encompassing. Sure, in the beginning it can feel like that. It did for me. At that time, every passing moment was a reminder that my momma wasn’t here.

Now though, instead of grief being a constant aching, it comes more sporadically. One moment fine, the next moment tears. Two days fine, the next one tears. Like waves.

Oh my gosh, waves. For weeks I’ve been trying to remember a song my momma loved. It just now came to me: ”Wave on Wave” by Pat Green.

Now that I think about it, mountain roads and waves have something in common: they go back and forth. They have this beauty and calmness that seem to balance out even after rockslides and storms.

Maybe life is similar. Maybe writing is, too. Maybe instead of me thinking my words have to be all organized into a certain category, I could just let them show up, whenever and however they do.

My back field is full of thorns, stickers, and stumps. Some spots are a mess to walk through. Sometimes my skirt gets snagged and my ankles get scratched. Hmm… that sounds a bit like grief.

But, you know what? My back field is also full of wildflowers and there’s a doe and her baby living back there, even in all those stickers and even in all those weeds.

Perhaps me writing all this on a random Sunday morning is a reminder that the beauty in my writing will prevail, even if the subject matter is out of order and things feel messy.

And, maybe it’s even a reminder, that there can be a beautiful-ness in grief, too. Not on the wind raging, hail filled days, of course, but maybe in the quiet, “a memory brings a smile days.”

What I’m going to do is just trust my writing. Scattered posts or not. I see now that the switchbacks can allow for some amazing scenery and the waves can bring solace.

Thank you for being here.

Jessica

some curvy Forest Service road
a blurry wildflower from my land
and CoCo the kitten
Queen Anne’s Lace standing out
among the stickers and thorns

©️Copyright 2022 Unmeasured Journeys

14 thoughts on “Switchbacks and Waves

  1. This is a beautiful and touching post about grief. Isn’t funny – the comment I just wrote said grief was not linear. And here you have written the same thing. I agree with Ann’s comment – to trust your writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so very much- this post is my heart laid open in honesty.
      I just read your other comment about linear on my walking post- guess we think similarly, ha. I have linear here, you have it there. Thank you- trusting my writing feels like a good thing to do. I appreciate you reading this.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So sorry about the loss of your mother. Yes, grief is not linear- it does zig zag and it catches us completely unaware somedays. Unexpectedly it shows itself. I have learned to accept the unexpectedness of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi. I love your words- unaware and unexpected. Bingo! Especially when grief is sometimes put on a timeline- ‘It will take a year to get over’ I’ve heard. Um, no, not necessarily… I love your “completely unaware somedays.” Yes!!! That!! Love your word ‘accept’ as well. Thank you for your kind words and for reading.

      Like

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