A few weeks ago, I shared one of my posts about my momma on my social media timeline and wrote at the top, “I know loss gets old…”
My point was that:
- I understand that my momma passed months ago.
- I understand that I’ve already talked about it.
- I understand people have already read about how this feels.
- I understand that in a world full of ‘lots of sad’ no one wants to be reminded of sadness, grief, and loss. I get that. Who wants to be reminded again?
I wrote that at the top for a couple of reasons. It was a heads up for what followed or an ‘I know you probably don’t want a reminder of my momma’s loss.’
It was also a buffer for me, in case not one single person wanted to read it. If I warned them about what it was, they wouldn’t have to start and stop reading, like it’s old news.
As a writer, who is knee deep in trying to keep my sails straight in this momma loss thing, there seems to be this fine line: write about it, but don’t write about it ‘too much.’
So, what constitutes ‘too much?’ Honestly, I have no idea. And, who’s fine line is that anyway? I have a feeling it’s mine…
A friend commented on that social media post. Her response was simple, but huge:
“Loss never gets old.”
Wait, what?
Loss never gets old? As in never? What about next Thursday? Will it be old then? How about 5 weeks from now? Will it be old then? Two years from now? Will it be old then?
Not with her! Is that testament of true friendship or what?
And, we do that, don’t we? We drop the anchor when our friends and loved ones are going through stuff. We stick around for them for however long.
And, I tell you what, for the person on the other end of ‘however long’, that is pretty monumental, you know?
‘However long’ allows some wiggle room. Not healed yet? Take your time. It is open ended. Expectations are dropped in however long. And, there’s no cap on the amount of support or the time of support.
However long, may be exactly what someone needs.
This summer, we’ve been in a drought, aka, loss of rain. Our yard was brown and crispy. There was no need to mow and no weed eating was needed. Did the trees and grass give up? No, they stuck it out for however long.
The trees didn’t uproot themselves and say, “forget it, I’m going somewhere where there’s less crispy and more rain.” They stuck it out, however long.
The healing of the drought rains came. Lots and lots of rain. And, with them, our trees bloomed.
Thank you, Melanie, for “loss never gets old.” I will remember that always and carry it forward for someone else.
Thank you for reading.
Jessica
©️Copyright 2022 Unmeasured Journeys
Unmeasured Journeys 
I think another reason loss never gets old is that everyone endures it at some point in their life. It effects everyone differently and comes in many forms. Big, small, somewhere in between. But when someone else is willing to openly talk about it, it’s a reminder that we’re not alone in our grief. It can also help people conceptualize their own grief that they might not be able to put into words the way you have done so well.
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Oh my goodness, my cup runneth over. I hadn’t really *seen* my writing on this, from the outside looking in. I hoped my heart/words/experiences would help someone in some way. What you said, how you explained it, is enlightening. Bless you. Thank you. I’ll keep writing then. Some days it just feels right.
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Your friend Melanie is exactly right! Write about your loss for as long as you need to.
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Thank you so much.
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“Loss never gets old.” Those are very moving words Jessica. You have to concentrate on the good times with your mom, whether in memories you replay in your mind, or pictures you can see and touch. For me, I think I mentioned this before, that I took some favorite photos I had loose, some in albums and got some frames for them. I scattered them around the house where I could see them – on the mantel, a dresser … that made me feel my mom’s presence. It was rough as we lived together. Such a big void in my day-to-day living and it happened so quickly that I was in disbelief. I used to say “well this time yesterday I was talking to Mom, or a week ago today, or a month ago ….” but I stopped doing that as grief would be anew.
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Oh my gosh- that’s a great point- I bet saying it could make it feel new again. I hadn’t thought of that. A couple months ago I did dig through photos and put some where I see them often. I think that has definitely helped. I bet it was difficult for you because you lived with your mom. I hadn’t live with my momma for a long time. My sibling did though. I understand the happening quickly and disbelief part. Same here. :) Thank you for your comments.
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You’re welcome Jessica – you are not alone on this journey, though it probably feels like it sometimes.
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Bingo!
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Grief is different for each person, each relationship is unique and special. Don’t rush any part of the process, and don’t stop continuing YOUR journey!
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I love what you said SO much!!!! Thank you. It is such a good reminder not to rush this and to stay true to my needs. Thank you.
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You are welcome. Your comment is very kind – as they always are. A loss is very personal. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard.
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The loss never gets old. You will always have it. But the grief changes as time goes by. It’s part of the journey, and in my opinion, writing about it helps. If for some reason, someone doesn’t want to read it (maybe they just can’t at that moment in their life), they don’t have to read it. Another reason to share is that it may help someone else, too.
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Hi. That’s true. It may help someone else- that’s why I keep at it. Learning to trust myself of what I have to say in this, has been a process of learning and growth. I think you’re right about how writing about it helps. I’ve researched writing and/through grief and there are many articles on it. The one word that stuck with me when I read your comments was “the” in front of the word loss. The loss. That does change the dynamic of things a bit. ‘The’ loss makes it personal- and in this case, it is. Thank you for your comments. I always learn something from your insights.
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