Six months ago today my momma made her heavenly trek. Six months? Where the heck did half a year go?
Sometimes it feels like half a second and sometimes it seems like an eternity since I’ve seen her. My eyes get all gushy with tears when I think of that.
I have learned a lot about myself and the capacity of others, in the days since.
Others have stepped up and shown up. In the beginning, there were cards, flowers, food, visits, hugs, gifts, and prayers.
As time went on, there were check in’s, texts, “how are you doing’s”, comments on blog posts, and hand holding.
Still, there is hand holding and support.
I don’t have many friends who have lost their moms, so in a way, I’ve had to go first. In the beginning, I leaned hard on the ones who’ve traveled this road before I did.
One friend in particular held me up, before my momma even passed, through the services, and afterwards. She’d been there. She’d lost her momma, too. Miles apart, she gave me the strength to keep on walking.
So, here it is, the anniversary day. I find myself reflecting on some of the hardest days I’ve ever had to go through.
Did I want to or was I prepared to lose my momma? Heck no.
Beginning to end, it was 10 days.
Am I over it? Heck no.
Will I ever be? No clue.
But, here I am, doing it.
I thought I’d share some of my personal insights, in case you’re in parent loss or are supporting someone who is:
- parent loss feels like it’s own kind of grief
- when loss is sudden, it can feel very hard to understand
- for me, understanding all of the medical stuff didn’t happen until a few months later
- the shock can be huge
- grief shows up when it wants to
- sometimes tears will fall in public places
- the missing can feel like an ache
- music can kick up memories
- laughing and stories about them can help fill up the heart space
- being with family was critical for me in the beginning because they “got it”
- it’s a hard reality that there will be no more texts, calls, visits
- suddenly the last gift received becomes sacred, there won’t be anymore
- hearing about other people’s moms, in the beginning, was sooooooo hard when I suddenly didn’t have one
- the ‘firsts’ of the first year can be heart-crushing: birthdays, holidays, special day, even anniversaries
- getting used to not having them here is tough
This grief journey has certainly been a process. Here are some things I’ve learned about myself so far:
- I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
- This grief has never been just about me and my loss. I have been able to support loved ones through this, too.
- I understand now, how to help friends through similar things. I mean, I tried to before, but now I truly get it.
- Writing about it is ok. Talking about it is ok. Reaching out to friends about it is ok. Sitting in it is ok. Working through it is ok. It is ok.
- I will be ok. That sounds tiny, but in parent loss, it’s enormously huge.
Some of you that have lost your moms have reached out and told me you think of them every day. Same here. I think of my momma daily.
Here on the ‘reminder day’ that she passed, it’s no different. In fact, the blessing in that is, today I’ll probably think of her more. There’s a grace in that, you know?
Thank you for being here and for reading.
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