Half a Year Ago Today

/ Jessica

Six months ago today my momma made her heavenly trek. Six months? Where the heck did half a year go?

Sometimes it feels like half a second and sometimes it seems like an eternity since I’ve seen her. My eyes get all gushy with tears when I think of that.

I have learned a lot about myself and the capacity of others, in the days since.

Others have stepped up and shown up. In the beginning, there were cards, flowers, food, visits, hugs, gifts, and prayers.

As time went on, there were check in’s, texts, “how are you doing’s”, comments on blog posts, and hand holding.

Still, there is hand holding and support.

I don’t have many friends who have lost their moms, so in a way, I’ve had to go first. In the beginning, I leaned hard on the ones who’ve traveled this road before I did.

One friend in particular held me up, before my momma even passed, through the services, and afterwards. She’d been there. She’d lost her momma, too. Miles apart, she gave me the strength to keep on walking.

So, here it is, the anniversary day. I find myself reflecting on some of the hardest days I’ve ever had to go through.

Did I want to or was I prepared to lose my momma? Heck no.

Beginning to end, it was 10 days.

Am I over it? Heck no.

Will I ever be? No clue.

But, here I am, doing it.

I thought I’d share some of my personal insights, in case you’re in parent loss or are supporting someone who is:

  • parent loss feels like it’s own kind of grief
  • when loss is sudden, it can feel very hard to understand
  • for me, understanding all of the medical stuff didn’t happen until a few months later
  • the shock can be huge
  • grief shows up when it wants to
  • sometimes tears will fall in public places
  • the missing can feel like an ache
  • music can kick up memories
  • laughing and stories about them can help fill up the heart space
  • being with family was critical for me in the beginning because they “got it”
  • it’s a hard reality that there will be no more texts, calls, visits
  • suddenly the last gift received becomes sacred, there won’t be anymore
  • hearing about other people’s moms, in the beginning, was sooooooo hard when I suddenly didn’t have one
  • the ‘firsts’ of the first year can be heart-crushing: birthdays, holidays, special day, even anniversaries
  • getting used to not having them here is tough

This grief journey has certainly been a process. Here are some things I’ve learned about myself so far:

  1. I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
  2. This grief has never been just about me and my loss. I have been able to support loved ones through this, too.
  3. I understand now, how to help friends through similar things. I mean, I tried to before, but now I truly get it.
  4. Writing about it is ok. Talking about it is ok. Reaching out to friends about it is ok. Sitting in it is ok. Working through it is ok. It is ok.
  5. I will be ok. That sounds tiny, but in parent loss, it’s enormously huge.

Some of you that have lost your moms have reached out and told me you think of them every day. Same here. I think of my momma daily.

Here on the ‘reminder day’ that she passed, it’s no different. In fact, the blessing in that is, today I’ll probably think of her more. There’s a grace in that, you know?

Thank you for being here and for reading.

Sincerely,

Jessica

sunflowers we planted for my momma
she loved flowers
she loved my nature photos
a special sunflower

©️Copyright 2022 Unmeasured Journeys

21 thoughts on “Half a Year Ago Today”

  2. The sunflowers you planted for Momma are beautiful Jessica and she is looking down smiling at them and saying “good job!” It is difficult the first year, the monthly anniversary of the date of loss, the birthday, Mother’s Day, then the holidays … I am sure the holidays will be difficult for you as well. But you will get through this and be a stronger person for it in the end. I know because, as you know, I was very close to my mom – we went through a lot together. And one day she was there and then she was not. The shock left me reeling and not thinking clearly. You will smile from the memories one day and grief will not cloud those memories.

    [Sorry for the late responses – I am a week behind in Reader, thanks to a few bad evening storms the past week and I turned off my computer.]

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  3. Reading this makes me sad. My parents and mother in law are in their 80’s and 90’s. I do not look forward to the cycle of life. Reading your words makes me realize that when someone I know loses a loved one, the hurt continues even after 6 months. (((HUGS)))

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    • Thank you, sweet one. I’m happy you still have your parents and mother in law in their 80’s and 90’s. My grandma was 96 when she passed, she was ready, and it was still hard. My momma was only 75. Thought I’d have her for a lot longer. ❤️

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    • Hi Ann, I love what you said. In my heart, I think you’re right. I think it could help someone, just by writing about it some. It helps me to reread what I’ve written, too. Seems like sometimes loss gets glazed over. There’s no glazing over parent/mom loss. It’s big, bold, life changing, and heart rattling at times. I keep thinking about what you said about loss being a reality we didn’t want or ask for. And, getting used to living in it. Thank you for being so great during this. I looked back on my blog stats stuff. We’ve been reading each other’s blogs several years. Love that.

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    • Hi. Did you lose your mom? If so, I sure didn’t know. If so, hugs right back to you. And, thank you. It’s surprising to be that “ok” which is a constantly small and overlooked word, feels like a huge goal in this. ❤️

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    • Hi. I’ll take that hug!!! My momma lovedddddd pools and swimming. I’ve been hanging out at mine all day and blaring Fleetwood Mac and Bob Seger. Such a beautiful day out here. Boy, I miss her. Thank you for being so nice. I appreciate it.

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  8. Blessings to you, Jessica, on this anniversary day. Six months is not long at all, but you have made it through. You will never be the same, but you’ll come out of this okay and better. I know it is hard. It seems like your mom and I like a lot of the same things. Sunflowers are so cheerful.

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    • Hi. You’re very sweet, thank you. I appreciate all your help through this. Your kindnesses extended have been timely and sincere. I hope you’re right about ‘better.’ Changed, definitely. You guys do have some things in common. That’s comforting in a way. Thank you.

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