Balancing Grief

Last week, I was gliding along pretty well, then, bam. Crying. Not crying, actually, but bawling was more like it. It was Tuesday and I was getting ready to fold laundry. I thought a song playing would be nice. So, I tried to think of one.

A song that my momma loved popped into my head. A minute passed and the tears gushed. They didn’t stop for 45 minutes.

On a Tuesday. In the laundry room.

That night, we had our 2nd bowling league night. My game was off. I couldn’t get my balance. My steps wobbled. My ball hugged the gutters. My score stayed low. My eyes fought tears.

In a bowling alley. With 40 other bowlers.

Grief does that. It interrupts steps. It unbalances the balanced. It shows up in a thought or dream. It cascades down on a quiet afternoon, in the middle of chores. It unleashes emotions that were once settled, into tears that are real and raw.

In August, I wrote a post called ‘A Half a Year Today.’ It was about my momma being gone a half a year already. A couple of days ago, when I re-added up on my fingers, I realized I was a month off! August wasn’t half a year ago, September is…

Time in parent loss is a bit like my wobbly bowling steps: all over the place. No wonder I couldn’t believe it had been 6 months, it had only been 5.

So far, it’s only Tuesday, this week is more light hearted. It’s smoother. Last week there were lotsssss of tears and missing her.

This week there’s still lots of missing her, but way less tears. That alone, feels like a more even distribution on the ‘getting through grief’ invisible scale.

What I’m learning is, bowling is all about balance and grief, for me anyway, has a sense of balance, too.

Missing someone starts to blend right into the every days. Missing someone, plus crocodile tears? That interferes with the rhythm.

Tonight, we bowl. My feet feel more solid already, whew!

Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Jessica

my bowling locker is my favorite number 22
my bowling balls my dad gave me

18 thoughts on “Balancing Grief

  1. Pingback: Balancing Grief | Prayers and Preparation for Florida and the Carolinas. Hurricane Watch

  2. Songs can be chilling sometimes … my mom used to love Englebert Humperdinck’s “Please Release Me” song. She would hear it on the radio and sing along to it. I don’t think she cared for any other songs of his, just that one. So, 86-year-old Englebert Humperdinck was appearing in Detroit on this Mother’s Day 2022 and they were promoting the show weeks ahead … they played a sound bite from this song that he is most famous for … appearing on Mother’s Day yet. I was glad when the concert was over.

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  3. A good friend of mine lost her 26 year-old daughter three years ago, and she said much the same thing: the tears can hit you at the oddest times. She said she learned just to accept it and feel the feelings, trusting that it won’t last. I think good days and bad days after a profound loss is normal, and so is laughing and crying in the very same day. Hugs to you!!!

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    • Hello, sweet one. My goodness, that is quite a loss…. I love your word choice- profound. That is what this is. It’s a “Knock your socks off, I understand, no I don’t, wait- what happened, I’m doing ok, oh crap I’m not doing good at all, where’s my momma, do I talk about this or not” type of loss. Maybe that’s part of it- she learned to accept and feel the feelings and I haven’t gotten to accepting them yet. That makes some sense to me. I mean, it’s been almost 6 months- I’ve been doing this awhile, but some days the reminders knock me o my tail. I’m going to lean into what she learned. Thank you for telling me about it. Last week was rough. I had 3 dreams about her. The waking up is tough. The “oh yeah, she’s gone.” Heartache all over again. Thank you for lifting me up again. Your words of understanding are a heart hug.

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  4. I have heard it said that when you unexpectedly hear a song that is connected to a loved one who passed, it is their spirit letting you know they are still with you–a sort of heavenly hug. It doesn’t have to be a song, but it can really anything that suddenly reminds you of them. Grief takes as long as it takes. If you feel like crying, that is okay. Your soul knows what you need. Take care, dear.

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    • I love that. Thank you so very much. That song played during her 12 short hours of hospice and also at the services. I believe you’re right. Love what you said about grief taking as long as it takes. I ‘know’ that, but sometimes the rush of healing (hurry up and get over it) makes me forget. My soul must need tears- so much crying. ❤️ Thank you for your insights. Very helpful.

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  5. I can’t always express the way I’m feeling unless I take a l-o-n-g time to think about what I want to say. I understood what you were saying in your post, it just didn’t come out the way I wanted to say it. I look forward to your letter.

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    • That’s exactly how I am!!! I have to think about what and how I need to reply. My first tries were trying to explain what I was trying to say. I apologize. No one but me has had any clue that I’ve been a bit stuck in what to write. So, I didn’t reply correctly. I’m sorry. You are absolutely fine. I messed my reply up- it didn’t feel right, so I changed it.

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    • I wrote about it today. Things will make more sense. I forgot that no one knew I’ve been in writer’s block. Only me. The letter is a bit mushy. I was feeling stuck in writing. I guess I’m working some things out being able to write a little. BEFORE you get the letter!! Oops. Not planned by any means.

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  6. I cried over a death 54 years ago. It does get better with time for most folks.

    Good luck with bowling tonight. Wait. I just looked at the word bowling. I will light-heartedly ask if you started bowling with an “H” instead of a “B”.

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    • Hahaha. That’s funny. I think I’ll take the B! It’s crazy to me about the ‘when’ of when the crying comes. In the beginning, there was so much crying. I couldn’t believe I had that much crying in me. Then, it got a little more random- mostly with music and reminders. I can completely understand crying over a loss 54 years ago or any amount. Missing someone is missing them. Days or hours or years. I love your comments. Thank you.

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  7. It just takes so much time. And unfortunately, we can’t get around grieving. All we can do is get through it the best we can and try to make each day a good day – as best as we can. It’s hard. But please know, others care. We are with you – even if just virtually – and we pray for you. I hope you have a good day today, and good luck with the bowling.

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    • Hi. Thank you so much for your kind words. It’s helpful to know you care and are praying. You’re right, there’s no getting around grieving. The only way is through it. Thank you. I think tonight will go much better. Hope you have a nice day.

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    • Hi. I tried to reply but I’m trying again. Thank you. This grief thing catches me sideways sometimes and trying to make sense of it is somewhat tricky. I appreciate your comments. We leave for bowling in about an hour or so. I feel a lot more settled this week. I think bowling will be fun. I ordered bowling towels for our team. Each a different color with our names. I’m going to surprise them next week.

      After you get my letter, you’ll understand things a bit more. I’ve had some serious writer’s block. I’m so thankful I was able to write this post. Hope you have a great day, too.

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