Reflections

/ Jessica

My 22 day miracles and gratitude challenge ended yesterday. It was a bit all over the place, emotion wise. Loss does that. It seems to step in, sometimes, on a perfectly sunny day, scooting over on the bench next to us.

For a couple of months, I’ve actually felt kind of bad for ‘subjecting’ readers to my going on and on about how badly I miss my momma. “Who still wants to hear about this?” I thought.

I mean, it’s been 6-7 months, shouldn’t the grief be all tidied up by now? Swept up and let go like dust on the wind?

I’m not trying to rush myself through parent loss by any means. I’m trying to survive it and get through it with baby steps and grace. But, I kept thinking about the sharing it part…

Then, about a week ago, while on social media, I did a grief search. Turns out there are tons of pages about loss and grief with thousands and thousands of followers. It reaffirmed that talking about losing my momma is ok.

Does it help me? Yes.

Could it help someone else? Maybe.

My cousin sent me a poem called, “Don’t Miss Me More Than Once A Day,” by Donna Ashworth. It’s a wonderful poem and I was instantly hooked on her writing.

The author has a FB page and lately she’s been sharing about mother loss. Talk about resonating. It seems like when someone gets it, they get it.

Anyway, what I’m learning is, this loss isn’t just some separate thing I can just shut off and send down the road. This experience is part of who I am now. Has it changed me? Oh my, yes. Have I figured out all the ways yet? No, not really.

I’m still getting through the “I can’t believes”, “I miss…”, and “what in the world happeneds.” It’s like when you drop a photo album with a thousand pictures in it and they all fall out in heaps on the floor. It’s the sifting and putting them back in some sort of order, but there’s no sense to where they go.

Maybe, eventually, I’ll get this all figured out. Maybe I won’t. What I’m realizing now, 7 months into this, is that talking about it or sharing this is appropriate whenever it comes up. People went before me in mom loss and people will come after me, too. We can all learn something from each other, I bet.

Instead of a daily challenge now, I’m just going to write and share adventures. Even if and when those adventures are about my beautiful momma.

Thanks for reading!

Jessica

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©️ COPYRIGHT 2022 UNMEASURED JOURNEYS

©️ ALL PHOTOGRAPHS TAKEN BY ME- ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

21 thoughts on “Reflections”

  3. I always found to write about one’s emotions are kind of the best medicine … it’s not an instant remedy, but it does put things into perspective (well, sort of). And it helps you work through your grief (and yes it’s true, in some way you’re helping others as well). Lovely reflection photos!

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  4. Beautiful reflections! Both literally and figuratively. Jessica, seven months is nothing! You will always miss your momma, but I’d bet this first year will be the hardest. And even after that, it will pop back – uninvited and without warning. You are a kind and sensitive soul. And your journey is uniquely yours. It’s your contribution to the world. It does seem some are insensitive or rush others through grief. Perhaps you are meant to counteract that. To put the message out to the world, hey, it takes time! The loss is huge. And someday, maybe we can think, how can one take a loss and make good from it. Actually, you already are – with your blog posts. Grace is a calming elixir. We give it to others. Why not give it to ourselves?

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    • Wow, thank you so very much. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I especially love the part about ‘counteract.’ Thank you. I’ve been considering writing a book on this journey. I don’t know when or how exactly, but I do know that the books I need/want to read on this huge loss, don’t exist yet. 3 have been pretty good, but nothing has been what I’ve needed. Maybe what I’ve needed, someone else is seeking too… I love your insights. Thank you.

      PS I JUST found this comment in the Trash section of comments…

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  6. I think it’s touching that you love your mother so much and are grieving for her. I read all your posts and participated in them as much as possible. My mom died about 27 years ago. My daughter said everyone was waiting for me to fall apart, but I never did. I loved her dearly and talked to her once a week. The intense grief never came. I think your grieving is more socially acceptable than mine. My neighbor kept asking if I had cried for John, but I haven’t yet for five months. You are shaking your head now, wondering what is wrong with me. I wonder, too. Maybe, just maybe, you could share some tears with me to apply to my life, and the world will be more balanced.

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    • You sure did, thank you for that. We’ve been following each other’s blogs a long time and I appreciate your insight and kindness on my posts. My goodness, the part about sharing my tears is the sweetest thing I’ve heard through this. A balance for us both…

      Well, believe it or not, I didn’t shake my head- about the 5 months and John. I just thought it was different experiences. And, your faith cemented that he is no longer suffering. I thought maybe you were just at peace with it all. Grief is so confusing, don’t you think? Cry too much/ don’t cry enough. They always say that people grieve differently and to do it however we need to, BUT it seems like there are expectations on top of those things. It’s tricky to stay authentic in it.

      You may be right about the socially acceptable thing- best I can tell, people understand what they know. If someone cried a bunch during loss, they may relate to someone else in similar shoes. And, if someone didn’t cry during loss, they could probably understand why someone else didn’t. The criers may not get the un-criers, but you know what? That is ok!! However we do this, we do this.

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    • Also, I sure didn’t mean anything by ‘when someone gets it, they get it.’ We both loved our mothers. I appreciate that even if our experiences in mother loss are/were different, you have stepped up for me. You’ve reached out and embraced my journey. You’ve been a pillar in this. I won’t forget it.

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