Letting Go

For the past eight weeks I’ve been on a journey, a spiritual healing journey.

While on vacation in August, I stood in the ocean and felt a peace wash over me. It was like the ocean crawled right into my head and said, “There, there. Now don’t you worry.” From that point on, things have snowballed.

As soon as we got home, I saw there video about an upcoming transformation class for moms. The reviews said wonderful things about improved marriages and improved family relationships. 

During the introductory video, I wept. Then, the gal mentioned that the class would be like a dolphin pod. We had just seen dolphins next to our boat while on the island.

Pre-vacation, I was spending countless hours every day for months searching for medical answers for me and my family. My poor mind was completely bogged down in soooooooo much worry that Fear set up residence.  

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been so stuck in the internal dialogue of what if’s and nevers, that it’s almost easy to live there?

Eeks. What an exhausting place to be. 

Well, I went back and forth on whether to take the class or not: 

  • We don’t really have the extra money 
  • PayPal? I don’t have PayPal! Is it safe? Surely, it’s not safe.
  • I don’t have time. I’m too busy fixing everything and everyone.
  • There’s no time. I’m researching.
  • Could we swing it? Oh Lord no! I can’t spend that on myself. 
  • 3 days a week for 8 weeks? Plus stuff on the other days???

Every excuse there ever was, popped up. I actually thought about not doing it. I came  really close to not signing up, but then I did. 

OMG, you guys! Best. Decision. Ever. 

I never thought my life could be transformed in 56 days, but I am telling you, it changed. 

It took some serious uncrusting of limited beliefs, some days of digging around in the past, resurrecting some heartbreaking memories, and even analyzing old thought patterns. Ugh. But, the beauty of all that digging brought me an immense sense of freedom and peace. 

During Abundance week, I had some huge revelations. Turns out that Abundance is different than what I thought it was. Instead of being an accumulation of a, b, and c, it’s actually a free flowing energy source. 

Think about that for a second. Abundance has the power to constantly come into our lives if there’s nothing blocking it. 

What blocks it? Well apparently all the things I’ve been carrying around. Grudges, old heartaches, being mad at somebody, painful memories, and such. All those things I thought were over and done with that have resurfaced over the past twenty some years. 

So, for several weeks, I have been looking forgiveness straight in the eye. I even revisited a few years from my early 20’s that were extremely difficult for me. 

It turns out a story I had been carrying around all these years had another factor I wasn’t aware of. I was finally graced with the truth and in the days that followed, my tears just ran.

The tears have been absolutely freeing for me and they have fallen. My teacher mentioned life being like an onion and what a great analogy that really is. Seems like we all have layers of life experiences that make up who we are. 

But, it doesn’t stop there. If Abundance is flowing, we have an unlimited potential of being absolutely anything. 

With that said, it leads me back to where I started eight weeks ago when the class began. My goal for the class was simple and easy to remember. It fit me to a T and was exactly what I needed to do. 

Here’s to letting go. 

The Miracle in Momma 

Miracle Mommas,

If there is a miracle kiddo in your life, feel free to pull up a seat, you’re welcome here~

My journey into miracles started with a dream about what I thought motherhood would look like for me.

Picture a tiny white house, five kids running amuck , a barking dog, an old station wagon with fishing poles sticking out every window and me driving the whole crew to the creek some scorching August day.

Ok, now scratch that. That dream came to a screeching halt when  I-N-F-E-R-T-I-L-I-T-Y came sneaking in month after month. Woo hoo pregnancy symptoms. Rats, a negative test result. Four weeks later, repeat. That, sprinkled with a few positive tests results that ended in losses, ruled our life for five looooooong years.

Yikes. It was tough.

But, this story has a happy ending. Finally, I was able to get and stay pregnant. 

You’ve never seen a happier pregnant person than me.

  • I was thrilled to have morning sickness! How weird is that?
  • I also cried when I turned seven months pregnant because it was getting close to nine months and I didn’t want it to end.
  • Even with swelling, bedrest, and some health scares, I was just soooo happy to be pregnant.

The day he was born, he graced this world nearly a month early. His birth went down in history as the greatest present ever because he was born on my birthday.

Ten years have passed and my Little Bit is and has been an absolute light in my life. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to make sure it really happened, that I am a mom.

Is it the first dream I had in mind? No. Is it way better? Heck yeah.

It seems like sometimes what we want isn’t actually what we may need. Sure, those imaginary five kids and station wagon may have been nice, but that dream is no comparison to this blonde haired, blue eyed dream I got.

I am soooooo blessed that HE came true and I just wanted to tell you that he definitely puts the miracle in Momma. 

Always Welcome Here

It’s Sunday morning and we are at the cabin in the woods. I’m sitting on the porch eating potato chips for breakfast and listening to the birds and cicadas rattle on about their Sunday sermons.

Around me are empty seats and if you were here, I’d offer you one. Then, I’d probably start in on my own rattling about the beauty of this day, the wind singing through the trees, and the peace that comes with just sitting and breathing.

I’d like to think there’d be some quietness between the chit chit, a bit of silence for mindless thinking, and even a possible catnap, if time allowed.

After we got our fill of potato chips, stories, and good old fashioned belly laughs, you’d announce that you need to get on the road. Got a busy week ahead. Things to do, meals to make, family to care for.

I’d tell you I totally understand, we have a full week of this or that. We’d say what a great morning it’s been catching up, and I’d probably remind you way too many times to come by anytime and grab a seat because you’re always welcome here. 

Miracle Mommas

Roots and wings. Is it possible to have both at the very same time?

In my post, “The Wind and the Waves,” (you can read it here if you’d like) I told you about how I stepped away from months of endless medical research and found myself on a beach during our vacation last month.

Found myself? How does that even happen? Was I lost? I mean, one minute I was just standing in knee high waves and the next, I had a sudden urge for dreadlocks and a tattoo. (Sorry, Dad!)

Bam! The gypsy soul in me returned.

It makes sense, really. Mom raised us on Fleetwood Mac. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t go to college, I took life’s adventurous path instead.

Welcome back, free spirit! Man, it’s been awhile.

I feel more like myself than I have in f-o-r-e-v-e-r. I’m really not sure what prompted this new awakening. Perhaps sending those “what if’s” out to sea was enough to cause a shift in my life.

Whatever it is, I am running with it and now feels like the perfect time to expand my writing by sharing more of our journey.

If you’ve been around here awhile, you may recall that Little Bit is a genuine miracle. It’s true, he is. Another huge miracle is that I was able to get and stay pregnant with him.

So, I’m going to take a chance here and venture to say that having roots and wings at the same time certainly is possible. I am hoping my Iowa roots will keep me grounded, while my gypsy writing lets me soar.

And, with that, I’d love to introduce you to my brand new category called Miracle Mommas.