Divine

You are the most beautiful thing there ever was in this entire world.

Yes, you.

Let me guess, you’re looking side to side, trying to figure out who I’m talking to.

Perhaps you’re even glancing behind you, thinking there could be no possible way I could be talking to you. Trust me, I totally get that.

There have been many times in my life I would have been like, “Who, me?????” “Are you sure?” “That can’t be right.” “I must look like whoever you’re talking about.”

I mean, come on! We’re talking about life here. And, we all know life can be filled with ups and downs, ins and outs, and some serious pot holes.

Beautiful and messy all at once.

A few days ago I had a huge revelation! Gigantic! I was chatting with some friends when this truth hit me and it literally changed everything. In the moments that followed, those sweet souls urged me to write about it, so here goes.

For the past nine months, I’ve been doing some serious inner work and inner healing. Digging around in the details of days gone by has been critical on my path to finding my true self.

I’ve come a loooooooong way. You see, in my early twenties, I went through some pretty rough stuff. Needless to say, I’ve spent many years trying to make sense of that time and let it go. (You can read about Letting Go here, if you like.)

Some things like yoga, self-help books. breath work, prayers, and spiritual classes have helped me work through that time period in my life. Recently, forgiveness has been a key factor. But, honestly, forgiveness wasn’t the big cure all that I thought it’d be.

You know what I mean? Forgiving somebody is a really monumental thing- it can take years to get up the nerve to forgive and it takes serious guts to even think about doing it.

So, when I looked backwards and forgave many things, I thought I was done and that chapter was closed. Um… no. Things kept coming up anyway.

Really??? Really????

Last week, while walking to my mailbox, I suddenly remembered myself at age twenty one, completely out of the blue. I hadn’t thought that particular situation in years.

I’ve been meditating a lot, so later, I decided to try a visualization I’d heard about. I imagined myself at age twenty one with a suitcase at my feet.

Ok, that imaginary suitcase was absolutely bulging! I don’t know how it was even still closed. When I opened it up, it was filled with all kinds of things such as:

  • not worthy
  • worries
  • jealousy
  • not good enough
  • too sensitive
  • don’t wear your heart on your sleeve so much
  • guilt
  • shame
  • lonely
  • you don’t do anything right
  • mean words
  • self doubt
  • no self esteem whatsoever
  • nightmares, scars, bruises, and sadness.

Dang!!! That’s a heavy suitcase! And, I’ve been carrying remnants of those things around for twenty plus years?

In the visualization, I started pulling all that crap out, one by one, until that suitcase was empty! Empty! There was not one thing in it. Then, I started filling it back up with:

  • giving
  • loving
  • really smart
  • has faith
  • a good friend
  • compassionate
  • works for God
  • big heart
  • sensitive is a gift
  • worthy
  • full of light
  • kind, sweet, and funny

Omg!! I can’t even tell you how light I felt afterwards. From a visualization! Then, lesson came when.

We pick up stuff and we carry it. Sometimes for ten minutes, sometimes for ten years. But here’s the thing, we don’t have to. We can set stuff down. We can give stuff back.

Why?

Because it was NEVER EVEN OURS.

Sit on that for a second.

What we are is: loving, giving, glittery, all sparkly, hilarious, faithful, understanding, soulful, caring, intelligent, and any other positive word that comes to mind. We are butterflies and sunlight. We are the moon and stars. We are every single thing in this world that is right.

We may have taken on those jagged words, mean comments, or judging eyes, but that’s not who WE are. It never was. Imagine this, trying going back to that time and seeing yourself as a mirror. A pane of reflective glass with a frame. Now imagine all of those things coming towards you, but bouncing off the glass, and going back to where they belong.

They never belonged to us. All that crap is someone else’s.

Freeing, don’t you think?

I want to end this with something really fun we can do together so that you will start to realize that you ARE the most beautiful thing there ever was in this entire world. Practice saying this with me:

“All that junk was never even mine. I am beautiful and I’m divine.”

Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Jessica

Dear Miracle Mommas

Dear Miracle Mommas,

I know the word miracle in front of mommas is going to throw some of you off, but stick with me for a few minutes and I think you’ll understand.

For the past decade, I have been just this side of Special. The first 3 years were beautiful baby bliss. The next 4 years were test results, IEP meetings, studying Special Education rights, and juggling therapist filled days.

These 3 recent years have been about finding balance, being a voice, and learning to trust my own God-given mother’s intuition.

I am feeling a nudge to write you and tell you that no matter where you are in this journey, that you can absolutely do this. Whether you are a veteran momma 30 years in, somewhere in the middle, or one of the new “1 in 36” mommas, this letter is for you.

Back in the beginning, I identified myself as a special needs mom. But, the more I’ve been in it, the more there’s been a shift. Right now, I see myself in a different sort of role and I’m really at home being a Miracle Momma.

Every kid on this planet is a genuine miracle. Every single one. Do some kiddos have bumps along the way? Maybe. But, those bumps can ultimately make life more endearing and memorable.

I decided not to sit here and fill your time and space with “don’ts.” That sure would be easy to do, but we are each on our own paths.

What I would like to do is share some of the up-sides of this journey. Because, let’s face it, if a kiddo has a medical issue, any sort of delay, or even a learning difficulty, those aren’t generally portrayed as gifts. In fact, the connotation with them can be quite the opposite sometimes.

Looking back to when we got the news of a severe language delay, I wish someone would’ve looked me in the eye and said, “Ahhhh, you can totally do this,” in a super nonchalant, tip their head to the side, while waving their hand, kind of way.

Well, I didn’t know anybody at the time, and that’s ok. I figured things out. What would really be cool is, if something I learned could help you, even the tiniest bit.

Here goes:

  • Be open to the idea that someone, somewhere understands what you’re going through.
  • Be open to the idea that you are enough, exactly the way you are.
  • Be open to the possibility that you may know more about your kiddo than anyone does.
  • Be open to the idea that your intuition is a wonderful guide.
  • Be open to the possibility that even on hard days, the answers can still be found. Keep looking.
  • Be open to the possibility that you may find your authentic, genuine, amazing self at any moment.
  • Be open to the idea that even in those lonely moments, there is a possibility that true friendships will spring forth from unexpected places.
  • Be open to the idea that your child is learning about faith, love, and determination by watching you.
  • Be open to the idea that everything you need is already inside you.
  • Be open to the idea that you are stronger than you think.
  • Be open to the idea that by being your child’s voice, you may find your own.
  • Be open to the absolute 1000% possibility that you will, without a doubt, find your way.
  • Be open to the idea that 10 or 20 years into this, you may be holding out a hand of support to another momma just like you. (That’s a pretty humbling thought, isn’t it?)

I thank you for your time. Thank you for reading this. I’m going to leave you with one final thought. You know that light that shines so bright in your child?

I bet there’s one just like it that shines in you.

Sincerely,

Jessica Adam