Letting Go

For the past eight weeks I’ve been on a journey, a spiritual healing journey.

While on vacation in August, I stood in the ocean and felt a peace wash over me. It was like the ocean crawled right into my head and said, “There, there. Now don’t you worry.” From that point on, things have snowballed.

As soon as we got home, I saw there video about an upcoming transformation class for moms. The reviews said wonderful things about improved marriages and improved family relationships. 

During the introductory video, I wept. Then, the gal mentioned that the class would be like a dolphin pod. We had just seen dolphins next to our boat while on the island.

Pre-vacation, I was spending countless hours every day for months searching for medical answers for me and my family. My poor mind was completely bogged down in soooooooo much worry that Fear set up residence.  

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been so stuck in the internal dialogue of what if’s and nevers, that it’s almost easy to live there?

Eeks. What an exhausting place to be. 

Well, I went back and forth on whether to take the class or not: 

  • We don’t really have the extra money 
  • PayPal? I don’t have PayPal! Is it safe? Surely, it’s not safe.
  • I don’t have time. I’m too busy fixing everything and everyone.
  • There’s no time. I’m researching.
  • Could we swing it? Oh Lord no! I can’t spend that on myself. 
  • 3 days a week for 8 weeks? Plus stuff on the other days???

Every excuse there ever was, popped up. I actually thought about not doing it. I came  really close to not signing up, but then I did. 

OMG, you guys! Best. Decision. Ever. 

I never thought my life could be transformed in 56 days, but I am telling you, it changed. 

It took some serious uncrusting of limited beliefs, some days of digging around in the past, resurrecting some heartbreaking memories, and even analyzing old thought patterns. Ugh. But, the beauty of all that digging brought me an immense sense of freedom and peace. 

During Abundance week, I had some huge revelations. Turns out that Abundance is different than what I thought it was. Instead of being an accumulation of a, b, and c, it’s actually a free flowing energy source. 

Think about that for a second. Abundance has the power to constantly come into our lives if there’s nothing blocking it. 

What blocks it? Well apparently all the things I’ve been carrying around. Grudges, old heartaches, being mad at somebody, painful memories, and such. All those things I thought were over and done with that have resurfaced over the past twenty some years. 

So, for several weeks, I have been looking forgiveness straight in the eye. I even revisited a few years from my early 20’s that were extremely difficult for me. 

It turns out a story I had been carrying around all these years had another factor I wasn’t aware of. I was finally graced with the truth and in the days that followed, my tears just ran.

The tears have been absolutely freeing for me and they have fallen. My teacher mentioned life being like an onion and what a great analogy that really is. Seems like we all have layers of life experiences that make up who we are. 

But, it doesn’t stop there. If Abundance is flowing, we have an unlimited potential of being absolutely anything. 

With that said, it leads me back to where I started eight weeks ago when the class began. My goal for the class was simple and easy to remember. It fit me to a T and was exactly what I needed to do. 

Here’s to letting go. 

The Miracle in Momma 

Miracle Mommas,

If there is a miracle kiddo in your life, feel free to pull up a seat, you’re welcome here~

My journey into miracles started with a dream about what I thought motherhood would look like for me.

Picture a tiny white house, five kids running amuck , a barking dog, an old station wagon with fishing poles sticking out every window and me driving the whole crew to the creek some scorching August day.

Ok, now scratch that. That dream came to a screeching halt when  I-N-F-E-R-T-I-L-I-T-Y came sneaking in month after month. Woo hoo pregnancy symptoms. Rats, a negative test result. Four weeks later, repeat. That, sprinkled with a few positive tests results that ended in losses, ruled our life for five looooooong years.

Yikes. It was tough.

But, this story has a happy ending. Finally, I was able to get and stay pregnant. 

You’ve never seen a happier pregnant person than me.

  • I was thrilled to have morning sickness! How weird is that?
  • I also cried when I turned seven months pregnant because it was getting close to nine months and I didn’t want it to end.
  • Even with swelling, bedrest, and some health scares, I was just soooo happy to be pregnant.

The day he was born, he graced this world nearly a month early. His birth went down in history as the greatest present ever because he was born on my birthday.

Ten years have passed and my Little Bit is and has been an absolute light in my life. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself to make sure it really happened, that I am a mom.

Is it the first dream I had in mind? No. Is it way better? Heck yeah.

It seems like sometimes what we want isn’t actually what we may need. Sure, those imaginary five kids and station wagon may have been nice, but that dream is no comparison to this blonde haired, blue eyed dream I got.

I am soooooo blessed that HE came true and I just wanted to tell you that he definitely puts the miracle in Momma. 

Always Welcome Here

It’s Sunday morning and we are at the cabin in the woods. I’m sitting on the porch eating potato chips for breakfast and listening to the birds and cicadas rattle on about their Sunday sermons.

Around me are empty seats and if you were here, I’d offer you one. Then, I’d probably start in on my own rattling about the beauty of this day, the wind singing through the trees, and the peace that comes with just sitting and breathing.

I’d like to think there’d be some quietness between the chit chit, a bit of silence for mindless thinking, and even a possible catnap, if time allowed.

After we got our fill of potato chips, stories, and good old fashioned belly laughs, you’d announce that you need to get on the road. Got a busy week ahead. Things to do, meals to make, family to care for.

I’d tell you I totally understand, we have a full week of this or that. We’d say what a great morning it’s been catching up, and I’d probably remind you way too many times to come by anytime and grab a seat because you’re always welcome here. 

Miracle Mommas

Roots and wings. Is it possible to have both at the very same time?

In my post, “The Wind and the Waves,” (you can read it here if you’d like) I told you about how I stepped away from months of endless medical research and found myself on a beach during our vacation last month.

Found myself? How does that even happen? Was I lost? I mean, one minute I was just standing in knee high waves and the next, I had a sudden urge for dreadlocks and a tattoo. (Sorry, Dad!)

Bam! The gypsy soul in me returned.

It makes sense, really. Mom raised us on Fleetwood Mac. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t go to college, I took life’s adventurous path instead.

Welcome back, free spirit! Man, it’s been awhile.

I feel more like myself than I have in f-o-r-e-v-e-r. I’m really not sure what prompted this new awakening. Perhaps sending those “what if’s” out to sea was enough to cause a shift in my life.

Whatever it is, I am running with it and now feels like the perfect time to expand my writing by sharing more of our journey.

If you’ve been around here awhile, you may recall that Little Bit is a genuine miracle. It’s true, he is. Another huge miracle is that I was able to get and stay pregnant with him.

So, I’m going to take a chance here and venture to say that having roots and wings at the same time certainly is possible. I am hoping my Iowa roots will keep me grounded, while my gypsy writing lets me soar.

And, with that, I’d love to introduce you to my brand new category called Miracle Mommas. 

Simply Super 

I’ve been thinking about my grandma Wilma a lot lately. Her birthday was at the end of August, but she wasn’t here to celebrate it with us. 

She went to sleep and stormed the Heavenly gates the day before Little Bit turned 9 last December.

Oh how she loved my boy! 

She loved all her boys, grandkids, and great grandkids. And, she had a soft spot for my little miracle boy. 

She knew all about our infertility struggles, my high risk pregnancy, and she just knew what a blessing he is. 

Maybe it was because she raised six boys of her own, or because she was a school teacher, but I always felt like she saw a special light in my boy. 

She used to get so tickled when we told her stories of what he was up to and the things he was saying. 

I found myself really missing her yesterday when my little Superman insisted on wearing his costume to town. On a Tuesday. In September. 

Grandma would’ve gotten a kick out of how he walked right into his jumping class. 

His gracious coach not only let him keep his costume on, but she also let him look in the mirror and pretend he was flying. 

She would’ve loved that after his class, we walked into the bank. The gals working “ooo-ed and ahhh-ed” over him and he was so proud. 

I can just imagine the sparkle that would’ve been in her eyes if she would’ve seen his big ol’ smile when one of them handed him a Superman sticker. 

At Walmart, as he drew a lot of quiet smiles from passing shoppers,  I couldn’t help but think that grandma would’ve loved to see our little boy all dressed up while shopping on such an ordinary day. 

I love the fact that grandma got to love my Little Bit until the very last day that he was 8 years old, and even though she didn’t get to see him be 9, I’m guessing she’d think he is simply super. 

Kind Inspiration

Isn’t it interesting how life evolves? How we can sometimes have our sights set for one path, yet end up on a new road and we didn’t even see the exit?

Seems to me, it’s on those journeys where we truly become enriched by life’s gifts that we might have missed if we’d stayed on the other path.

Miriam is on a completely different road than she’d expected after her mum went in for surgery and came back changed. We have been following her posts, and when I saw this one, I wanted to share it as well because life is about embracing what we are given, even if we don’t quite understand it.

Thank you for letting me share, Miri.

Out an' About

Many of you will be familiar with the story of my mum.  I wrote about her in The Longest Goodbye and she was also the focus for my Daily Post Admiration theme.  When Niki asked who inspired us, in week six of the kindness challenge, I couldn’t think of anyone to put above her.

Mum has always been inspiring and brave.  She emigrated to Australia back in 1953 to start a new life with my father, and I know the early years were not easy, but they carved out a good life. And a happy one.

When mum went into hospital for brain surgery 15 months ago she remained the same as she’s always been, hopeful and optimistic.

But there are no guarantees in life.

When she came out of the operation and in the following weeks of rehab, ups and downs and then more surgery, not once did…

View original post 551 more words

The Luckiest Girl in the World 

Do you ever count your blessings?

I do. In fact, today is one of those days. You see, 70 years ago today, my mom was born in a farmhouse near the small town of Schleswig, Iowa.

A couple of years ago, I was working on a writing project and the assignment was called “100 Things I Love About My Kid”. While I was working on my list about Little Bit, I asked mom if she’d make a list for me.

She did, but she didn’t stop at 100! She kept right on going!

Today I thought it’d be fun for me to list 70 things I love about my mom for her 70th birthday. Here goes…

  1. Kind hearted
  2. Funny
  3. Story teller
  4. Taught me how to be a friend by being  one.
  5. Raised me with morals.
  6. Had me when she was 21. Then there were four of us by the time she turned 27.
  7. Best smile
  8. Loves yellow
  9. Has her own craft room where she sews and paints
  10. Loves animals
  11. Will put on all her winter gear (coat, hat, boots, gloves) to go out and feed the birds in the middle of a snow storm
  12. Takes in strays
  13. Has the home-iest of all homes
  14. Calls me for no reason
  15. Taught me what unconditional love was all about
  16. Didn’t give up on me when I was a teenager
  17. Makes the best carrot cake
  18. Cooks around my eating issues- gluten free, meat free
  19. Let’s me get the cookbook out and pick out recipes, then she changes them a bit to make them so I can eat them!
  20. Has the best laugh
  21. Stuck by me during infertility and listened to my sadness over and over
  22. How she celebrated with me when I got and stayed pregnant
  23. That she dropped everything and came to take care of me when I was on bedrest
  24. I loved knowing she and dad were in the waiting room during my emergency c section
  25. Little Bit was born on my birthday and mom brought a delicious chocolate cake to my hospital room with my name and baby on it
  26. I love how she stayed with us for two weeks after Little Bit was born so my husband could go back to work
  27. That she gave Little Bit his first bath on top of the dryer at our old tiny house with 4 rooms and a bathroom in the middle
  28. Her talents
  29. How she can make anything look brand new
  30. Her creativity
  31. How hard she works on her house
  32. Her flower gardens
  33. That she cares for her pets like they’re children
  34. That she still spoils me even though I’m grown
  35. That she was my maid of honor at my wedding
  36. How every Wednesday for over two years, she and dad drove to Iowa to keep dad’s parents company
  37. How she took care of her own dad when he got really sick
  38. That she loves the elderly and worked in the nursing home for 10 years
  39. That after my baby brother was in high school, she went to nursing school and even though it was extremely difficult, she pushed through it and graduated
  40. Hearing her stories about being at her grandma’s house when she was little
  41. That she’s pulled through several rough back and neck surgeries
  42. How she stayed living in one town her whole life when all she ever wanted to  do was spread her gypsy wings
  43. That she shared with me her love of music
  44. That she used to dance around the house and blare the old stereo cabinet in the house we grew up in
  45. How she always made our home feel welcoming to our friends. Our house was the one that was always filled with high school kids because she made everyone feel welcome
  46. How when I was in elementary school, she was involved at school
  47. How she and dad came to every school event. There were 4 of us, that’s a lot of events!
  48. Her impeccable closet, she has a wonderful taste in clothes
  49. How she opened a clothing store in a small town even though it was a tight economy
  50. When she used to take me to “market” at the fancy hotel in Kansas City to get clothes for her store “Diane’s Vogue”
  51. How she was comfortable driving a station wagon in the 1970’s and 1980’s
  52. How she’d go to the swimming pool with us everyday when we were kids and go off the diving boards
  53. How she’d sit in the basement with us during tornado warnings while dad was on the fire department and would be out spotting storms
  54. How she gave 1000% of herself to us kids
  55. How when their dog got hit by a car, she put a wooden playpen in their kitchen and took care of that dog for months until he was healed
  56. How she gets together with her friends she had in high school
  57. How she and dad still go to their high school homecoming and homecoming parade almost every year
  58. That when I talk to her on the phone I can still hear the “Abbe” (her family) in her voice.
  59. Her whistle. Her dad whistled. Love that.
  60. The compassion she has for others
  61. How she’s fed many people over the years
  62. That she taught me what it means to respect people for who they are
  63. That she told me that no matter what the situation, everyone is doing the best they can
  64. How even though I’m grown, she’ll still slip money in my birthday card
  65. How she buys pretty stationary and sends me cards out of the blue
  66. That when we go home for Christmas, there are a ton of presents under the tree for everyone
  67. How when she comes to visit, she catches me up on my laundry piles
  68. How she loves watching football
  69. Her love for horses
  70. That even though she grew up in a family that loved each other but didn’t openly show it, she still lets me hug all over her.

Even though we’re still at the beach and there’s many miles between us and her northern Missouri town, I know I’m with mom today, in her heart. 

My husband, Little Bit, and I sent her these birthday flowers today. As I sit here and reread my list of 70 things, it just reaffirms something I already knew, because of my mom, I am the luckiest girl in the world.