In 2018 I wrote a post I truly love called Divine. It was about how sometimes we pick up ‘baggage’ through life that may get carried around for years without even realizing it. It’s one of the best pieces I’ve ever written.
In it, I talked about how sometimes stuff begins to accumulate on us / around us that we take on, as our own, even though it was never really ours.
I talked of what an imaginary suitcase at my feet in my 20’s would have held. It was a hodgepodge of negative remarks and things. The kind of stuff that feeds self doubt and low self worth.
Then, I talked about yanking all of those things out- how freeing it felt to let go of all that old junk that had been hanging around for twenty some years.
After dumping things like:
- not worthy
- not good enough
- no self esteem whatsoever
- scars, bruises, and sadness
I replaced them with things like:
- a good friend
- works for God
- big heart
- sweet, kind, and funny
Yesterday, I wrote two posts and, honestly, I wasn’t sure footed in either one. At some point in the afternoon, I found myself rereading Divine. It was then that I remembered how freeing it is letting go of the old and welcoming the true.
Oh my goodness! That post hit home!
I forgot how easy it is to strap on words we pick up along the way. The Shoulda, Coulda, Wouldas. The ‘hurry ups’ and ‘too slows.’ Words that seem to stick and get piled and become SO integrated that we don’t even know how to start looking for them.
That can equal some heavy loads!
So, this morning, I decided to peek into the imaginary suitcase that was at my feet five years ago.
What would I find, a year into momma loss? Would it be as bad as the one in my twenties?
I mean, come on! Parent loss is h a r d.
Slowly lifting the imaginary lid, I saw a smidgen of self doubt, but not enough to break the scales. Also, there was this overflowing love that felt like a waterfall. Hmm… promising.
I also saw:
- strength of a thousand trees, though sometimes I forget
- a checker-inner
- patches of sorrow and joy
- more lessons learned
- still sweet, still funny, still kind
- still loving, still giving, still a good friend
- a huge, gigantic, all encompassing heart
- weathered from parent loss, but not broken
- worn down from the stages of grief, but still holding steady
- a caring sister, a great daughter, a passionate mother, a my-heart-is-in-it wife
- a teacher, a learner, a try to make things better-er
- peace and love and happiness bulging at the seams
- sadness and missing and trying to understand loss and what happened and how we got to this point- intertwined with everything while trying to find balance and grace
Pretty good, considering all of the things of the past year.
Sometimes it seems like life is a series of
- taking what we’re given
- picking out what really resonates for us
- growing from there
Such a gift in that.
Here’s a link to Divine. My momma loved that piece, too.
Thanks for being here,
©️ COPYRIGHT 2023 Unmeasured Journeys
©️ COPYRIGHT 2023 Jessica Adam